I Got My Spark Back

My mom told me the key of anything is mastering the basic rules. No matter what we do, as long as we understand and apply the basic in proper way, the gold is around in the corner. Otherwise, my father once told me, if we do something that we like, obstacles looks like challenge, make us one step closer to score a goal. Then, when I looked at my self and asked "what am I best at and what do I enjoy most doing?", and after several minutes my self told me "I'm happy to create something new and extra ordinary". That answer was not very clear, still took a long long way to figure it out, what I am best at.

When I was kid, screw driver is my bestfriend and my father's computer is my mortal enemy. Imagine it, it was in early 90's and I already broke several computers. We weren't a wealthy family, but yes we already had computer back then, and for the record, that computer wasn't suppose to be game console, but my father's tool to make his thesis, so basically it was so important. I lost count for how many computers that I dissembled. Did my parents proud of me that time? Nice question, the answer is obviously NO. I got beaten several times because of it. Weren't they saying as long as I enjoy doing it, it is ok? Well yes, I did, but the thing is, I have no basic knowledge for computer, I just followed hunger of my curiosity. That's why I got beaten. Don't try this at home kid, or even in somebody else home's. You will experience a bad time.

Art is my cup of tea since then. In elementary, I drew tons of pictures in paper and start sticking it in my bedroom wall. it was about 30 pictures that I made, and my favourite was a red sport motorcycle. I dreamt about having one of that someday. Well, 20 years later, I still get nothing, not even close to sport bike. There was a scene, my mom put off my pictures from my gallery (my bedroom wall). I felt so disappointed and betrayed. She said it was messed. For the way of protest, I wrote something in my mom's bedroom wall with a pen. I declared war, and I wanted my pictures back. Just like the sport bike, it has been more than 20 years I never see my master-pieces. Oh yeah, my hand writing in my mom's wall was there for about 10 or 15 years.

It was junior high when I entered an electrical engineering student competition. Long story short, I won, but sadly, none of my parent beat an eye, not at all. Honestly, I wanted to make that moment as a prove that I have something. I just wanted they said "good job son, we proud of you", that's all.

Those sad scene continued until collage. I found my self got stacked in a miserable whole. I did something because I had to, not I wanted to. I felt like I would take my parent suggestion path as my path, but deep inside my heart said the opposite. My turning point is when I read someone's quote, he said "When you start off trying to solve problem, the first solutions you came up with are very complex, and most people stop there. But if you keep going and live with the problem and peel more layer of the onion off, you can oftentimes arrive at some very elegant and simple solutions. Most people just don't put in the time or energy to get there" (newsweek, October 16, 2006).

That was it, I got pain in my ass and I was sick of living under my parents' shadow. I had to create my own path, my own journey.

Since then, I got my spark back. I realized that none can stop me, and I let my passion flies in to the sky. I start following my mind, I won't stop, even though nobody cares nor appreciates what I've done. At that point, I turn my anger into piece of arts, like photograph, paint and writing. And for the record, I've been traveling to tons of places during my study, that's why my score was just so so. Sometimes I think it is a revenge, my denial behaviour of being caged in a box for a long time, but it isn't, this is the way I worth doing (in my opinion).

Since then, and for now on, I've been walking on my own path, the way that my parents disapprove almost all of it. I started my career in photography, teaching and making my own business. I know my parents want me to do as they are, but I can't find the "click thing" in it. Still, I never close my eyes for my parents, deep inside my heart I want to make them happy, in my own way. It is kind of hard, since I know we got different way of approaching . I won't give up my dream and still make my parent happy to have me. If I stop now and back to my old path, it means I'm a big fat looser, but if I continue it, I will be a disrespect son. Well, it takes two tango, indeed. Shit happens, life must go on.

Steve Jobs, the one who said my early quotation also said "Actually, making an insanely great product has a lot to do with the proses of making the product, how you learn things and adopt new ideas and throw out old ideas". It is clear now, I have to stick with my path, for me and my parent.

Well, yeah, Steve Jobs had a lot thing that influence my life. His mind, his creativity and his passion make my day seems brighter. Now I see a long way to make my parent happy in the way I enjoy.

Some people say that I'm quite capable of loosing my mind. They say my wild ideas of creativity will sink me in my illusion. Let me tell you, when Apple computer was created, did anyone realize that It will be a remarkable thing ever? No, they didn't. That's because of they only saw something from the surface, they didn't follow the passion which came along the ideas. They will appreciate you when you deliver something, and that is my job now. I have to make a prove, and let them see what I'm capable of. It isn't an easy mission, it is do or die mission. If I fail, I will disappoint my parent and more over my self. There is no way back, I will finish my task.

Wise man say "make difference or got stucked for the rest of your life".

And that is my story, Steve Jobs influence me to do better.
He helped me find my spark back.

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